[ he isn't rex lapis or at least he hasn't been for weeks now, weeks that would basically be a completely new life for him. but he'd still approach life and information with the same methodical, rather meticulous problem-solving methods that rex lapis would; probably not with the same subtlety and subterfuge, at least not yet. at the moment when childe is his strongest source of information and apparently his former self's associate, friend, somewhat-enemy at least in being a target of theft and contrivance--he strangely feels like that he could be candid with him. maybe paradoxically in contrast to how secretive he'd been with childe, one life ago.
and he has enough good will towards childe now to consider that he should actually try to make things up to him, now that they've reached a bit more of an understanding. oh, some things might not go forgiven, like that little touch of tentacle. but even if he doesn't preside over contracts, he has the sense of wanting things to be balanced and favors paid. childe has been a nuisance in quite a few respects but helpful in quite a lot of others, so maybe he could think of some way to compense him, never mind that he has absolutely no mora--
childe's suggestion pierces through his musing. he blinks, gives him a curious sidewards look, because his first thought is, ] On my knees?
Should I prostrate myself before you? Do you think I would? [ needless to say, from the look on his face, what a disagreeable idea that is... apparently he has some amount of pride. it might be long-lost pride from a god over an ancient massive nation even if that god is now apparently dead. a frown further as he studies childe's expression and rethinks his words more fully--
he might be an amnesiac but he might not be a complete ignorant, it dimly occurs to him childe might mean a different form of prostration. he considers this, then disregards it. ]
How drunk are you? [ it must be that childe has had too much of that firewater and might be a lonely drunk. and he really needs to sleep it off. ]
[ honestly, prostrate was the furthest thing from his mind, and it perhaps shows in the way confusion spreads across his features, his brows furrowing under the weight of it. but then he realizes what he said, what Zhongli's response was, and something like a cringe at the obvious lack of a filter crosses his face, the Harbinger immediately sifting through his bangs with gloved fingers.
it's probably just because today has been chaotic. that's all. he's seen more of Zhongli and his myriad of expressions than he ever has before, and it's starting to affect him. that's really all there is to it.
the sooner he can get back to Snezhnaya, the better. he only hopes that the Tsaritsa doesn't plan on sticking him in Liyue for the foreseeable future, especially with the revelation that Morax has effectively lost all his memories and now leaves Liyue open to conflict from outside forces. but if it were in their contract for to keep the Fatui under lock and key, well. maybe that meant he would be returning home sooner rather than later. ]
Never mind it. Forget I said anything.
[ there's still enough fire-water at home for him to imbibe with. he sets off for the familiar path that will lead him to his apartment, brushing past Zhongli on the way and moving with a slightly more accelerated pace than before. ]
[ he'd probably said the wrong thing just now, and the abrupt mood change... it doesn't quite unnerve him, but it might just come close when childe has been just about nothing but confident and cocky and in the know for this long. apart from that brief moment of vulnerability last night when he'd been drunk, but--
he can put this up to the alcohol, possibly. he deliberates over this as he follows childe, frowning; flexing his hand idly without quite realizing it, when he'd been trying to practice cultivating his power again, like exercising a long-forgotten muscle. an amnesiac but not a complete ignoramus; part of him is a bit wary still, part of him still meticulously collects, as if in fragments. all the information childe gives him and deliberates over each one: trusting that there's some or mostly truth to it, but wondering what might be hidden or unsaid. ]
Childe, I'll admit that I've been... probably, difficult to deal with since we met. [ to say the very least, when he'd literally attacked childe in his own home. still. ] Whatever had happened in the past, I do appreciate all the information and hospitality you've given me. To a point, anyway. [ because, fuck that octopus. for god's sake. ]
I'll do what I can to make it up to you, if a little. But I apologize if I won't get on my knees for it. I'll find some other way.
[ he does actually sound like he has some conviction in this. he'll make it a little mission for himself, maybe. he does have the sense of fairness, he wouldn't want to owe a debt or be caught lacking in an unequal transaction. ]
I'm not asking -- [ he snaps, pivoting on his heel with such force it's a wonder he doesn't give himself whiplash. a mixture of embarrassment and irritation simmers in his eyes, as though he can't quite decide which one he wants to be in this moment. it's not Zhongli. the only memories he has are the ones they're making right now, and while he knows he's not exactly making the best impression (hadn't, really, from the time they'd met until now) after everything that's happened between them he can't even begin to feel a shred of remorse over what his perception of him might be.
he doesn't know why Hu Tao decided to just dump him off on him. did she think they were friends? did she think that he might be able to fix him, somehow? maybe Zhongli didn't want to be fixed. he said he was going to live life as a mortal, so new shell, new him. it would make sense if he knew that this was going to happen.
gradually, he feels his shoulders slacken, his jaw unclench. he doesn't want to be here. Zhongli obviously does not want to be here. Childe does not want him here. ]
I can put you up somewhere else. There's an inn out between Dihua Marsh and Guili Plains. It's not too far of a walk, and maybe the fresh air will do you some good. As much as you loved this city if staying here hasn't done anything to jog your memory thus far, maybe walking the lands will.
[ he turns back around, that decided. ]
We can go when it's day time. For now... I need to get some sleep.
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no subject
and he has enough good will towards childe now to consider that he should actually try to make things up to him, now that they've reached a bit more of an understanding. oh, some things might not go forgiven, like that little touch of tentacle. but even if he doesn't preside over contracts, he has the sense of wanting things to be balanced and favors paid. childe has been a nuisance in quite a few respects but helpful in quite a lot of others, so maybe he could think of some way to compense him, never mind that he has absolutely no mora--
childe's suggestion pierces through his musing. he blinks, gives him a curious sidewards look, because his first thought is, ] On my knees?
Should I prostrate myself before you? Do you think I would? [ needless to say, from the look on his face, what a disagreeable idea that is... apparently he has some amount of pride. it might be long-lost pride from a god over an ancient massive nation even if that god is now apparently dead. a frown further as he studies childe's expression and rethinks his words more fully--
he might be an amnesiac but he might not be a complete ignorant, it dimly occurs to him childe might mean a different form of prostration. he considers this, then disregards it. ]
How drunk are you? [ it must be that childe has had too much of that firewater and might be a lonely drunk. and he really needs to sleep it off. ]
no subject
it's probably just because today has been chaotic. that's all. he's seen more of Zhongli and his myriad of expressions than he ever has before, and it's starting to affect him. that's really all there is to it.
the sooner he can get back to Snezhnaya, the better. he only hopes that the Tsaritsa doesn't plan on sticking him in Liyue for the foreseeable future, especially with the revelation that Morax has effectively lost all his memories and now leaves Liyue open to conflict from outside forces. but if it were in their contract for to keep the Fatui under lock and key, well. maybe that meant he would be returning home sooner rather than later. ]
Never mind it. Forget I said anything.
[ there's still enough fire-water at home for him to imbibe with. he sets off for the familiar path that will lead him to his apartment, brushing past Zhongli on the way and moving with a slightly more accelerated pace than before. ]
no subject
he can put this up to the alcohol, possibly. he deliberates over this as he follows childe, frowning; flexing his hand idly without quite realizing it, when he'd been trying to practice cultivating his power again, like exercising a long-forgotten muscle. an amnesiac but not a complete ignoramus; part of him is a bit wary still, part of him still meticulously collects, as if in fragments. all the information childe gives him and deliberates over each one: trusting that there's some or mostly truth to it, but wondering what might be hidden or unsaid. ]
Childe, I'll admit that I've been... probably, difficult to deal with since we met. [ to say the very least, when he'd literally attacked childe in his own home. still. ] Whatever had happened in the past, I do appreciate all the information and hospitality you've given me. To a point, anyway. [ because, fuck that octopus. for god's sake. ]
I'll do what I can to make it up to you, if a little. But I apologize if I won't get on my knees for it. I'll find some other way.
[ he does actually sound like he has some conviction in this. he'll make it a little mission for himself, maybe. he does have the sense of fairness, he wouldn't want to owe a debt or be caught lacking in an unequal transaction. ]
no subject
he doesn't know why Hu Tao decided to just dump him off on him. did she think they were friends? did she think that he might be able to fix him, somehow? maybe Zhongli didn't want to be fixed. he said he was going to live life as a mortal, so new shell, new him. it would make sense if he knew that this was going to happen.
gradually, he feels his shoulders slacken, his jaw unclench. he doesn't want to be here. Zhongli obviously does not want to be here. Childe does not want him here. ]
I can put you up somewhere else. There's an inn out between Dihua Marsh and Guili Plains. It's not too far of a walk, and maybe the fresh air will do you some good. As much as you loved this city if staying here hasn't done anything to jog your memory thus far, maybe walking the lands will.
[ he turns back around, that decided. ]
We can go when it's day time. For now... I need to get some sleep.